Saturday, May 12, 2007

Eurovision 2007

Welcome to the Eurovision 2007 HQ hosted by Valerie S & Lady Viola.

Helsinki is totally packed with people from all around Europe with huge downtown outdoors viewing arena in addition to the actual stage. Which is told to be spectacular.

Hah, Lordi's new video of their last year success. They really have capitalized their success businesswise I can tell.

Of the hosts, Jaana is moderate celebrity originating from tv quizes, Mikko is the most handsome Finnish young actor (and a singer a bit too).

Bosnia-Herzegovina starts with actually quite nice song featuring strange green river nymphs. But lacks all the cheekiness of a ESC success.

Spain's boyband kicks ass next. Rumours tell Viola's gay friends vote for them ;-)

Belarus with their version of Bond theme presented by the satin wearing doll boy. Doesn't impress much.

Oh the Finnish inserts with ice-swimming naked people are... well typical Finnish.

OMG Ireland?!? Woodstock and World Aid meets Eurovision Irish folk music carrying the message. Zero points.

Finland presented by the former fork lift driver, Idols winner Hanna Pakarinen. Leave Me Alone. Did somebody think it's Lordi again? Not bad, but I'm not fan of the song. Which is is also sidestep from Hanna's previous pop career. Viola 7 points, Valerie 2 points.

That wasn't an accident. Krisse is a famous tv-show host with her character always over-simple, over-enthusiastic, over-barbie teen princess.

Macedonia presents the shortest skirt so far. +2 points. One dancer has to be carried on stage. -1 points. Oh the singer had to be carried as well. What did they drink before the performance? Rakija?

Bloody hell! Why all the inserts are from Lapland, in winter, with strange people. I refuse to admit living in the same country!

Nice socialist march anthem from Slovenia. Why do I feel like Pet Shop Boys' Go West? :)

Unfortunately the slavic block will be voting each other, so winners are probably there. As most finalists. I actually bet on Russia as this years' winner..

Hungary's song has some strange lyrics but oh the girl can sing. But lacking all that ESC merry-go-round cheekiness again. You ask why did Lordi win then? Because they are funny trash, after all!

Greetings to the UK HQ :)

Lithuania with smooth love song. Why is it that half of the entrants this year are slow, melancholic love songs?!? I'm beginning to miss DJ Bobo. Well, not yet.

It's a pity my favourite Cyprus didn't make it to the finals.

Now I really refuse to admit belonging to the same nation as the inserts.

Greece with.. something very Greek. "Cheeky Girl" : +10 points. Not really. I hope they didn't pay for the guy who made the lyrics. Well the boy is making an effort. Proper ESC trash!

First-timer Georgia puts all passion and heritage of their Caucasus nation into three minutes of ESC stage time.

Sweden. Oh dear Sweden. Douze points to the lead singer. Song is a piece of shit. Unfortunately. I could vote for him anyway, just because of the feathers and make up. What an entertaining performance!

Pity Danish Drama Queen didn't make it either.

Oh Krisse...

France with yet another chanson d'amour.. Time for mid-break.. Oh they found some energy into the song. An audiovisual tour de France.

Popped open a cava.

Latvia with yeat another love song. Baltian men in tuxedos. Since when did they start talking Italian in Latvia?!?

So Russia is in da house. Very calculated sugababes copy. I liked Tatu, they were original and controversial. These girls are just cheap ripp-offs.. But knowing slavic population, enthusiasm in ESC and neighbourhood support they might win.

Thumbs up for Germany. Last year cowboys, now jazz. Next year, what? Song was great, but totally out of context I'm afraid.

Serbia. Larger than life slavic passion. How can you put so many heart-bleeding heavy words into a single song and still be able to sing it?

Ukraina with their drag humour. Speechless. Our favourite for a winner!!! How cheerful and gay can you get? This is what Europe needs! The economies will revive, peace will be settled at the Balkans!

What's wrong with UK? In Finnish it was introduced as "Flying the Fag" :) That would have been more interesting. Jo, Bex, Jane, I feel sorry for you.
"Would you ike to suck something during the landing?" OMG?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Romania had last year a niceish Italian pop, now it's children song in 6 languages.. I want to hear some Romanian some day. Do I have to go there?

Bulgarian shamanish percussion introduction to 80's techno song spiced with Turkish spice. Not as bad as it sounds.

And going to Turkey itself. OMG, Lady Viola removed her knickers. The sparkling bottle is only half way... Anyway, what was I saying.. Oh yes, Turkey. The number of blondes in the country never ceases to amaze me. The story is pretty simple but nice show. Material for top-3 I'm afraid.

Armenia. More Caucasus heritage. Do they have red trees in Armenia?

Natalia Barbu from Moldova rocks! She was the other of my original favourites. Didn't have time to adjust her trousers, though. She was much better in the original video. I vote for her anyway. Viola stopped posing and gives 8 points.

Oooh it's voting time! Run for your phone! Is somebody there, by the way?

My non-conformant bets: Russia, Moldova, Ukraina, Spain. (runners-up: Bulgaria, Slovenia, Georgia, Turkey)

So are you voting?

Apocalyptica is a group of Finnish hard rock cellists.. Original and high quality in it's own way, though not quite my taste. They were originally classical players who accidentaly found they were hugely popular playing Metallica. Their hair rotation is classic ;-)

If you didn't know that Finland is full of heavy metal bands.. Well, now you know. If you were wondering how Finns are like.. Well, now you know.

I'm joking.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So here we go!

I know Serbia was one of pre favourites, but I didn't like them so I hope they won't hold their top position.

Oh the Greek speak Finnish too? I didn't know!

Hahaa! Ukraina is leading! I really hope they win :) :) :)

Arf! What can be done to get Serbia out of #1?

Thank you UK! The chance is living!

Which Macedonia killed. All disasters originate from the Balkans.

So the winner is overtly dramatic slavic pseudo-lesbian ballad from the Balkans. I'll continue finishing the sparkling and listen to my favourites from YouTube.

Good night and thank you for joining us tonight, Europe!

Over and out. Lady Viola passed out already.

- - - - - here be links - - - - -

Russia: Serebro, Song number one
Ukraine: Verka Serduchka, Lasha Tumbai
Bulgaria: Elitsa & Stoyan - Water
Moldova: Natalia Barbu, Fight
Cyprus: Evridiki, çomme ci comme ça


Anonymous said...

Lesbian Pop has won it! ;-)

Anonymous said...

You're so lucky you don't get an anti-european old fart commentating on your version of the program!

Joanna said...

Careful Bex, they could have someone worse....

Valerie S said...

Aye it's lesbian vs. drag

Anonymous said...


Damn, I don't know any Serbian trannies for next year. :-(

Jane said...

Jo who could be worse than Wogan? Sir Patrick Moore? At least he has an excuse for being an out of touch old duffer.

Valerie - Great presentation from Finland the set was fantastic and I liked the heavy rock half time entertainment. Great Show

Penny M said...

All disasters originate from the Balkans.

Hmm, now that I think of it...