Mother (and Dad, Uncle, Niece, Dog and Bicycle) of all Party Reports

Well, a mere summary as usual..

1. Acclimatization

Whoever invented a three day cruise trip to Stockholm as 24h girls was a super idea? Me? Oh bugger. I had butterflies in my stomach entering the terminal, equipped with enough clothes to host a fashion show. I had already given up the idea of going from the very beginning as a girl. Helsinki-Stockholm cruise ships are well-known for teenagers getting wasted with tax free booze. How would two trannies fit there? In the end my presumptions proved to be wrong, ships were pretty relaxed, mostly older people and a lot of Russians. And besides, deep inside, I am a teenager wanting to get wasted on tax free booze. So we fit in perfectly..
Original plan included starting girlie life at dinner, but we escaped even that by taking the chance to eat at the fully booked a la carte - immediately, with no time to make up.

Stocked with a champagne and two whiskies from tax free we started making up in our luxury cabin. Couple Ave Marias and off we went to the night! First went to Perfumerie to buy new powder. Funny how 30e Dior has such a luxury feeling compared to my old 5e H&M one.. Makeup industry is magic!

Didn't make a riot there but almost: bunch of Russian teenagers entered the place and a guy said strastuite(hello!) behind me. I turned and replied him (I do speak some) and the guy and 3 girls froze and stared mouths open. Then they started smiling widely and making a lot of noise. We got compliments and everybody wanted to be photographed with us.
Please let me keep my theory that from behind they didn't identify us and thought we were Russians. Russian women dress and make up a lot more saucier than Finnish so it could be. And as Mila earlier reported, average Russians have never met any trans people and have very open minded and interested attitude when they meet one. Well our encounter was very positive for sure. Later the night we were always waving and shouting when we met the cutie Russian girls around the boat. Gave one girl my Valerie card so if you read this, hello, was very nice to meet you!!!




Next we went to check the atmosphere at show nightclub, ship's main venue. There were plenty of people watching the band and waiting for the midnight show. Place was dark so we were not getting much attention, only a couple long looks. Had some drinks and walking around, but pretty boring. Went walking around the boat but things were pretty quiet. Time for party so we ascended to the top deck disco. At first atmosphere seemed like stiff and not promising much for the night. Grabbed drinks and went sitting. We played with a mobile phone we had found a little earlier. Sent SMS to "Mom" telling "Mom, I've lost my mobile!!!" which caused her to call us very puzzled :) As there was some nice dance music coming I didn't bother about the atmosphere any more and we conquered the dance floor.
Ending up dancing there a couple hours. A bit trashed, we decided to retire to cabin before closing time as we had two more party nights ahead of us anyway.

I successfully recruited Milla to take some lingerie shots in the cabin. We were laughing that after posting those to flickr, trying to explain being a normal, heterosexual man is a futile effort. Strange what things are extremely funny wasted at 4 am. Like a pillow fight, which I tried to have but Milla passed out. It's not fun for long alone so I soon joined.



2. Global Warming

After a breakfast in cabin we had most chaotic dressing, making up and packing for Stockholm. Gosh I remembered one more thing I hate about cruise ships: they arrive in nonspeakable early hours, like 9 am, and then they try to throw you immediately out of the place. Trannies with hangover and beard, who just went to sleep couple hours earlier don't get mercy..

So we were out in Sweden in full girlie outlook! First time in normal situation, full daylight. Yay!

Took taxi from harbor to hotel and tried to book in. No luck, we were gonna wait for 3 hours for availability. Obviously time for sightseeing & shopping. Our hotel, Scandic Sergelplaza was optimally situated in the very heart of the city. Had a walk along Drottningsgatan to King's Castle, the standard Via Dolorosa of all hangover cruise guests. Weather was a bit harsh and we decided we were not so much into sightseeing after all, and went for a latte instead. Funny incident, a middle-East guy comes from the kitchen and wants to talk with us. He was extremely interested why we dress and are our boobs real.. Funny guy!







Did some shopping in small boutiques and found a nice dress. First time shopping and trying out clothes in normal shops! Yay! Walked to a lingerie shop Flirt Fashion Milla wanted to check out. Then I realized a must visit: H&M Stockholm! :) Shopping there until we almost really dropped. Well melted at least.

Back to hotel, and we decided an afternoon nap would be like putting money into bank. A bank where you debit on all these tranny nights. At hotel entrance the waiting taxi drivers that had gathered for a chat were whistling for us seriously.. A free ride tonight?

After that hard earned nap we called for room service, ate and had a bath (not together you silly!). And killed a Moet&Chandon. And started working with the two teenager whiskies. It was gonna be serious party time! We had wlan in the room so we uploaded some pics to flickr and tried to cause some stir in Finnish tranny chat.



We were going to Lino Club which has a very bling website claiming it to be the number #1 gay/lessie club in town. The place? Three smallish separate rooms with own bars and music. Beginning of the night was quiet but somewhere around 2 am it got packed. Didn't sight any trannies. Had couple of chats with Swedish guys, but it was almost remarkable how little interest we got from people. Could be because it was indeed gay/lessie club? Usually the craziest contacts I've had have been with bi and hetero girls who just ventured to LGBT world for fun.. Cannot help comparing the place to our home turf Dtm, and boy, are we lucky! It's a super place for having a party. Lino was ok but not much happening. So we stocked with drinks and danced the night away on the floor.



I had tried to get some Swedish tranny inside tips, but it had been a futile effort. Hallå Sweden? Where are all the trannies? There are not many in the net, a lot less who answer mail, and we met nobody in Stockholm. Judging from people's reactions trannies are not an everyday sight in Sweden either. My world is shaken. After all we Finns are convinced all Swedes are gay :) Ah the love and hate of neighbours..

Somehow we managed to get back to hotel 4 am, where we continued the party. We were so trashed we were mostly laughing at each other. Called for room service again but our order never materialized?! I swear I did give the room number right. Although I've no idea what I ordered.






3. Overheating

Waking up I didn't have to look in the mirror to tell that I still had my makeup on. Our lights had been effectively switched off. Lucky I found myself in the bed. And it was my bed. New day, new life. Bath with a whisky HOT, hotel breakfast NOT. Gosh I'm really getting alcoholic. Again we had to dress, make up and pack 'til 12 to check out. Chaotic, but routine. How come the desk clerk greeted us cheerfully "Yes I rememember you from yesterday" ?!?

Went walking out again, but our feet did not take us far. Sweden was embracing for extremely hard winter storm, and weather was accordingly. Saw an advertisement for a Thai buffet, which didn't require long negotiation. Spent couple of hours eating Swedish Thai buffet and drinking Thai beer. I tried to order in Thai but the waitress was out of business. Dunno if she was a Thai after all, although it's very common for Thais to be totally unable to understand foreigners, however perfect Thai they speak. Went then to a net cafe to surf with a latte. Tried to cause even more stir in Finnish tranny chat. Strange how the whole chat gets quiet after a couple of comments about our adventures... Well not strange, really. Too many wuzzies, if you ask me. If you tell them you've just rocked a Swedish nightclub, got totally, seriously wasted, went sightseeing and shopping and ask for advice how to spend the frickin' last 3 hangover hours waiting for the boat to leave, you have zero response.. Am I now earning a Bad Ass Tranny status?!?






So seriously, to hotel to have a final GT. Caught a taxi to terminal. With her hairstyle and big smile for trashed trannies, the taxi driver was definitely a lumberjack dyke. Didn't spot her chainsaw though. Into the boat and cabin checkin. I got a feeling It's happening again. Actually I like passed out recharged momentarily while Milla went to tax free.. Ordering more coke to go with the 12 y.o. Glenfiddich. Actually I think we had a nap again. You know, the hardest thing about being a 24/7 tranny is shaving. With normal beard growth, you have to clean up twice a day and shave to look acceptable. So errmm. After Milla provided the mixer we started destroying the rest of our stock. The Ultimate Party Tranny Test #2: how does your make up look like if you do it after respectable amount of refreshments? Dior Splash? (Dare you ask about Test #1?)

So we reproduced most of the first night's program: went to Night Club to see the midnight show, had drinks, got bored, went walking around ship - were hungry and went to eat some - and went to the top deck disco.



This time I didn't have any inhibitions, so went straight to bar, had some drinks and waited for good music. The bartenders were in the party immediately, couple of lovely lady ones. After a moment two Norwegian guys entered the place and locked on us like heat-seeking missiles. OMG. Got compliments all over, the other one grabbed my vodka red bull and tried to impress me with his drink-spinning skills which resulted in a vodka red bull suit and a tranny heading to dance floor. The other one was not so wasted and was actually rather sympathic, Milla was chatting long time with him while I was warming up the dance floor. I do think my performance caused the bartenders to have the time of their lives. At least the most fun that night. Hmm.. Especially over two promilles, I have a serious aspiration for dance floor domination... So we danced and I danced and we drinked and I danced. Grrr the evil DJ refused to play any Basshunter! It's cheesy but you cannot have a party in Sweden without Basshunter! And all of a sudden the place was closed. Nyt jo? Normipäivä! Went to eat again after disco closed. Rule number #1 of Better Mornings - don't pass out without eating. As it was our last night I totally refused to go to sleep, and kept playing music and drinking (and forcing Milla to drink, even she was trying to get sleep) the remains of our stock until 6 am ++.

Woke up two hours later to pack and exit to Normal Life. OMG. Well we did play with the idea of going straight to Dtm and continue the party. Realism won, (un?)fortunately.


This is a true story. Only one liver was harmed while writing this, two while realizing the scenes. Life and trannying should not be taken too seriously. I'm not taking particular pride in the amount of alcohol consumed, but that's the way I'm wired when it's party time. I'm Finnish, after all. We produce the world's best vodka and all citizens are required to take part in marketing. As I was joking with Milla, we should sell online webcast of our partying. Lot of action. Anyone subscribing?


Let me just remind you where it all began.. Pay TV: Trendy Discotheque
Swedish electroschlager!