Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Chips n Mayo

I'm teaching the Dutch my famous How To Build Your SOA Enterprise System In Three Days And Smoke Pot Rest Of The Week. My tranny radar is on. I could swear Siobhan is on the course. The hair and all.

I'm gonna have couple of free nights in Amsterdam, and I packed Valerie along just in case. (Yeah I'm on rehab but...) Any pointers where to go? My ***** hotel states dogs under knee height are welcome. How about trannies with less than knee height skirts?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Transpocalypse II

Transpocalypse II - check.

I flew to Manchester on Friday, and it was mother of all snowstorms in Helsinki. Flight was delayed 2 hours, which is pretty remarkable. Snow isn't usually a problem in Finland, it's normal. Annoying thing was they packed the plane and cheerfully promised the flight won't be delayed, and what happens? We sat in the plane on the runway. Not even serving free drinks! Doh! Additionally I missed my train and arrived in Liverpool quite late in the evening.

Travelodge Tranny

Hair fix

Jo had checked into hotel earlier and scouted the area. We had a quick meal and prepared for the night. Went to check two places, Superstar Boudoir and Navy Bar. Both were pretty crammed, and although supposed to be LGBT places especially Boudoir's atmosphere was very straight. It has a drag queen on the door welcoming people but other than that I think we were the only trannies around. Looks like they don't have cloak rooms in Liverpool bars. Better leave jackets in the hotel tomorrow. Couple funny incidents in Navy Bar, while queueing to the ladies' a girl started looking and interviewing are we fellas? She went all excited that there were fellas in the ladies.. I got an offer for a 12 inch Brazilian but declined politely the opportunity.

Action started on Saturday. Powered by a Farmhouse breakfast we did some shopping and general walking around town. We went to sleep around 4 (poor Jo had to wake up 7.30 to feed the parking meter) and woke up moderately early so an afternoon recharge was on the agenda. Met Becky and Jane briefly at coffee as they arrived to town. Official program started at Lisbon bar with predrinks. We headed there with Clarissa who had just joined us for some hotel room warming up. I had worked most of the Finlandia vodka while preparing and was ready for take off. Or I think I had taken off already.. Our hotel and all downtown Liverpool had been transformed into a huge hen party disneyland. Trannies go pretty well with hen parties. The people arrived to Lisbon, we had a couple of drinks and chat before heading for the Chinese dinner. Dinner was nice, some 20 people around long table. Was nice to meet Pandora, Isobel, Chrissy, Penny, (Sophie and Jessica very briefly) and the friends and partners of those mentioned..

Lisbon bar

After the dinner we went to Navy Bar where the official party was supposed to continue. Place was so full it was difficult to move, and people wanted to check out something else. Ended up in some even more packed bar where it was impossible to dance. Don't remember the name but they had a drag queen DJ. Something like 2 am we called it a night (or did Jo decide again I had partied enough for the night?) and went back to hotel. According to photographic evidence I passed out in full gear, with an unfinished drink in my hand. Well, the next morning I learnt somebody had much more bizarre end of the night..


Modern day drinking angel

I'm in BA lounge killing time and trying to stay awake. The place is so deserted it's creepy. Becky's and Jo's blogs are blocked because they are categorized as pornography. You saucy minx.

I'm all ready for tranny rehab.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hello Liverpool

Absolut Tranny

It's Transpocalypse II, and like Jo, I've packed. In my own way - see above.

Dallas Superstars: Fine Day

Sunday, January 21, 2007


Exactly one year ago I went out dressed first time. Yesterday was the anniversary party.


This time Milla came to my place to prepare. Arrived in Dtm at midnight and darn, no queue even at that time. When can we put our VIP cards into good use?

Check the pictures if you're interested in essentials of the night.. You know what? A lot in one year. If earlier I wouldn't have imagined I would be some day doing the things we do with Milla, now I feel I wouldn't have believed any tranny doing these things. Well, Karol Cross and April Angell, maybe ;-). I feel like Alice in Wonderland. How deep does the rabbit hole go?

While Milla was in illegal state I drove back and we had a movie incident on the motorway. All night had been a snowstorm and roads were extremely icy. Some Volvo driver decided to race us and sped up from 120km/h forward.. His car started swerving from side to side, spun several times on the motorway, slid sideways to ditch and neighbouring road and finally stopped with spinning. I anticipated his lose of control immediately, started braking, put hazards on and was ready to call 911 (well, 112 here) and run for Tranny First Aid in my high heel boots. But woah! What a lucky bastard. He didn't hit anything, didn't roll, and looks like nobody was hurt. The driver waved us that everything was ok and we continued back home. Wonder how his car managed it, though.

Hi Tak: Say Say Say

Friday, January 19, 2007

She's Madonna

Ooh! Robbie Williams in drag in his latest vid!

Robbie interview + video

I bet there will be tons of commenting on this, but I'll just say my initial impression. I think it presents trannies somewhat positively. We are pop?!? Will we (finally) see an avalanche of wannabe-trannies, because it's so trendy?

I have always liked Robbie.

PS: Doesn't he look like Mira Dee?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Mother (and Dad, Uncle, Niece, Dog and Bicycle) of all Party Reports

Well, a mere summary as usual..

1. Acclimatization

Whoever invented a three day cruise trip to Stockholm as 24h girls was a super idea? Me? Oh bugger. I had butterflies in my stomach entering the terminal, equipped with enough clothes to host a fashion show. I had already given up the idea of going from the very beginning as a girl. Helsinki-Stockholm cruise ships are well-known for teenagers getting wasted with tax free booze. How would two trannies fit there? In the end my presumptions proved to be wrong, ships were pretty relaxed, mostly older people and a lot of Russians. And besides, deep inside, I am a teenager wanting to get wasted on tax free booze. So we fit in perfectly..
Original plan included starting girlie life at dinner, but we escaped even that by taking the chance to eat at the fully booked a la carte - immediately, with no time to make up.

Stocked with a champagne and two whiskies from tax free we started making up in our luxury cabin. Couple Ave Marias and off we went to the night! First went to Perfumerie to buy new powder. Funny how 30e Dior has such a luxury feeling compared to my old 5e H&M one.. Makeup industry is magic!

Didn't make a riot there but almost: bunch of Russian teenagers entered the place and a guy said strastuite(hello!) behind me. I turned and replied him (I do speak some) and the guy and 3 girls froze and stared mouths open. Then they started smiling widely and making a lot of noise. We got compliments and everybody wanted to be photographed with us.
Please let me keep my theory that from behind they didn't identify us and thought we were Russians. Russian women dress and make up a lot more saucier than Finnish so it could be. And as Mila earlier reported, average Russians have never met any trans people and have very open minded and interested attitude when they meet one. Well our encounter was very positive for sure. Later the night we were always waving and shouting when we met the cutie Russian girls around the boat. Gave one girl my Valerie card so if you read this, hello, was very nice to meet you!!!

Cabin Service

Starting the cruise

Anchors Aweigh

Next we went to check the atmosphere at show nightclub, ship's main venue. There were plenty of people watching the band and waiting for the midnight show. Place was dark so we were not getting much attention, only a couple long looks. Had some drinks and walking around, but pretty boring. Went walking around the boat but things were pretty quiet. Time for party so we ascended to the top deck disco. At first atmosphere seemed like stiff and not promising much for the night. Grabbed drinks and went sitting. We played with a mobile phone we had found a little earlier. Sent SMS to "Mom" telling "Mom, I've lost my mobile!!!" which caused her to call us very puzzled :) As there was some nice dance music coming I didn't bother about the atmosphere any more and we conquered the dance floor.
Ending up dancing there a couple hours. A bit trashed, we decided to retire to cabin before closing time as we had two more party nights ahead of us anyway.

I successfully recruited Milla to take some lingerie shots in the cabin. We were laughing that after posting those to flickr, trying to explain being a normal, heterosexual man is a futile effort. Strange what things are extremely funny wasted at 4 am. Like a pillow fight, which I tried to have but Milla passed out. It's not fun for long alone so I soon joined.

2. Global Warming

After a breakfast in cabin we had most chaotic dressing, making up and packing for Stockholm. Gosh I remembered one more thing I hate about cruise ships: they arrive in nonspeakable early hours, like 9 am, and then they try to throw you immediately out of the place. Trannies with hangover and beard, who just went to sleep couple hours earlier don't get mercy..

So we were out in Sweden in full girlie outlook! First time in normal situation, full daylight. Yay!

Took taxi from harbor to hotel and tried to book in. No luck, we were gonna wait for 3 hours for availability. Obviously time for sightseeing & shopping. Our hotel, Scandic Sergelplaza was optimally situated in the very heart of the city. Had a walk along Drottningsgatan to King's Castle, the standard Via Dolorosa of all hangover cruise guests. Weather was a bit harsh and we decided we were not so much into sightseeing after all, and went for a latte instead. Funny incident, a middle-East guy comes from the kitchen and wants to talk with us. He was extremely interested why we dress and are our boobs real.. Funny guy!


Stockholm Sightseeing

Cafe con leche

Did some shopping in small boutiques and found a nice dress. First time shopping and trying out clothes in normal shops! Yay! Walked to a lingerie shop Flirt Fashion Milla wanted to check out. Then I realized a must visit: H&M Stockholm! :) Shopping there until we almost really dropped. Well melted at least.

Back to hotel, and we decided an afternoon nap would be like putting money into bank. A bank where you debit on all these tranny nights. At hotel entrance the waiting taxi drivers that had gathered for a chat were whistling for us seriously.. A free ride tonight?

After that hard earned nap we called for room service, ate and had a bath (not together you silly!). And killed a Moet&Chandon. And started working with the two teenager whiskies. It was gonna be serious party time! We had wlan in the room so we uploaded some pics to flickr and tried to cause some stir in Finnish tranny chat.

Warming up for Lino

We were going to Lino Club which has a very bling website claiming it to be the number #1 gay/lessie club in town. The place? Three smallish separate rooms with own bars and music. Beginning of the night was quiet but somewhere around 2 am it got packed. Didn't sight any trannies. Had couple of chats with Swedish guys, but it was almost remarkable how little interest we got from people. Could be because it was indeed gay/lessie club? Usually the craziest contacts I've had have been with bi and hetero girls who just ventured to LGBT world for fun.. Cannot help comparing the place to our home turf Dtm, and boy, are we lucky! It's a super place for having a party. Lino was ok but not much happening. So we stocked with drinks and danced the night away on the floor.

Off My Champagne!

I had tried to get some Swedish tranny inside tips, but it had been a futile effort. Hallå Sweden? Where are all the trannies? There are not many in the net, a lot less who answer mail, and we met nobody in Stockholm. Judging from people's reactions trannies are not an everyday sight in Sweden either. My world is shaken. After all we Finns are convinced all Swedes are gay :) Ah the love and hate of neighbours..

Somehow we managed to get back to hotel 4 am, where we continued the party. We were so trashed we were mostly laughing at each other. Called for room service again but our order never materialized?! I swear I did give the room number right. Although I've no idea what I ordered.

Party On!

4 am eternal

3. Overheating

Waking up I didn't have to look in the mirror to tell that I still had my makeup on. Our lights had been effectively switched off. Lucky I found myself in the bed. And it was my bed. New day, new life. Bath with a whisky HOT, hotel breakfast NOT. Gosh I'm really getting alcoholic. Again we had to dress, make up and pack 'til 12 to check out. Chaotic, but routine. How come the desk clerk greeted us cheerfully "Yes I rememember you from yesterday" ?!?

Went walking out again, but our feet did not take us far. Sweden was embracing for extremely hard winter storm, and weather was accordingly. Saw an advertisement for a Thai buffet, which didn't require long negotiation. Spent couple of hours eating Swedish Thai buffet and drinking Thai beer. I tried to order in Thai but the waitress was out of business. Dunno if she was a Thai after all, although it's very common for Thais to be totally unable to understand foreigners, however perfect Thai they speak. Went then to a net cafe to surf with a latte. Tried to cause even more stir in Finnish tranny chat. Strange how the whole chat gets quiet after a couple of comments about our adventures... Well not strange, really. Too many wuzzies, if you ask me. If you tell them you've just rocked a Swedish nightclub, got totally, seriously wasted, went sightseeing and shopping and ask for advice how to spend the frickin' last 3 hangover hours waiting for the boat to leave, you have zero response.. Am I now earning a Bad Ass Tranny status?!?

Storm in Stockholm

Thai Buffet

Hotel GT

So seriously, to hotel to have a final GT. Caught a taxi to terminal. With her hairstyle and big smile for trashed trannies, the taxi driver was definitely a lumberjack dyke. Didn't spot her chainsaw though. Into the boat and cabin checkin. I got a feeling It's happening again. Actually I like passed out recharged momentarily while Milla went to tax free.. Ordering more coke to go with the 12 y.o. Glenfiddich. Actually I think we had a nap again. You know, the hardest thing about being a 24/7 tranny is shaving. With normal beard growth, you have to clean up twice a day and shave to look acceptable. So errmm. After Milla provided the mixer we started destroying the rest of our stock. The Ultimate Party Tranny Test #2: how does your make up look like if you do it after respectable amount of refreshments? Dior Splash? (Dare you ask about Test #1?)

So we reproduced most of the first night's program: went to Night Club to see the midnight show, had drinks, got bored, went walking around ship - were hungry and went to eat some - and went to the top deck disco.

Confessions on the Dancefloor

This time I didn't have any inhibitions, so went straight to bar, had some drinks and waited for good music. The bartenders were in the party immediately, couple of lovely lady ones. After a moment two Norwegian guys entered the place and locked on us like heat-seeking missiles. OMG. Got compliments all over, the other one grabbed my vodka red bull and tried to impress me with his drink-spinning skills which resulted in a vodka red bull suit and a tranny heading to dance floor. The other one was not so wasted and was actually rather sympathic, Milla was chatting long time with him while I was warming up the dance floor. I do think my performance caused the bartenders to have the time of their lives. At least the most fun that night. Hmm.. Especially over two promilles, I have a serious aspiration for dance floor domination... So we danced and I danced and we drinked and I danced. Grrr the evil DJ refused to play any Basshunter! It's cheesy but you cannot have a party in Sweden without Basshunter! And all of a sudden the place was closed. Nyt jo? Normipäivä! Went to eat again after disco closed. Rule number #1 of Better Mornings - don't pass out without eating. As it was our last night I totally refused to go to sleep, and kept playing music and drinking (and forcing Milla to drink, even she was trying to get sleep) the remains of our stock until 6 am ++.

Woke up two hours later to pack and exit to Normal Life. OMG. Well we did play with the idea of going straight to Dtm and continue the party. Realism won, (un?)fortunately.

This is a true story. Only one liver was harmed while writing this, two while realizing the scenes. Life and trannying should not be taken too seriously. I'm not taking particular pride in the amount of alcohol consumed, but that's the way I'm wired when it's party time. I'm Finnish, after all. We produce the world's best vodka and all citizens are required to take part in marketing. As I was joking with Milla, we should sell online webcast of our partying. Lot of action. Anyone subscribing?

Let me just remind you where it all began.. Pay TV: Trendy Discotheque
Swedish electroschlager!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Killing time

Hälsningar från Stockholm. We're in internet cafe with Milla, killing the 3 hours before boat leaves back to Helsinki. Terrible hangover. Sweden is embracing to strong winter storm, people were told to stay indoors. Now hope our mops don't fly away.

Party On!

I will try to tell more about the trip. Later. It ain't over yet!!!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Friday, January 12, 2007

You know Sweden?

Welcome to Sweden!

Ok. The Finnish midsummer is just the same except we don't have the pole. We're dancing around the grill.


Stockholm will never know what hit it.

Hallå?!? What's the point in saying "Love to show Stockholm to trannys who visit" when you don't answer your mail for the trannies who visit?!?

Watch this space.

In the mean time, you can watch a glimpse of the trip from Helsinki to Stockholm by Jackass. It's brief, but authentic. Amazingly they immediately got the idea of the cruise trip. Now think about two trannies on the boat.

PS: We went last Friday to Dtm with Milla for standard party. Now listen. Tranny Excitement and New Experience Curve is logarithmic. While still on the initial phase, you feel it's exponential. It's not, its logarithmic. But here comes the trick. By traveling and going to new places often enough you can keep it linear. Trust me, I know what I'm talking. Now what were we talkin' about?
Highlights: Bartenders are really beginning to be our close friends. Some lessies have problems with trannies. Very impolite regarding that the lessie was very forcefully deep throat french kissing me some weeks ago. Ok neither of us remembers the occasion fully, but friends remind. Paris Hilton was utterly unhappy and bored, but after I told her she's very very beautiful she blossomed - and told me "You're too. In your own way". That was funny! She was Paris Hilton, although from Estonia, judging by accent. And then this supacute Finnish blonde who was enchanted by my (ok, maybe also Milla's) aura.. Came to tell I'm unbelievably lovely. Didn't come for continuation at our place, though. I was driving, but Milla didn't get nearly as wasted as me usually. What's wrong with that girl?